Sunday, January 16, 2011
I always love the beginning of a new year. Everything is fresh, a time to reflect on the past, make plans for the future and reevaluate your life. I am not one for making New Year's resolutions, I think they are a waste of my time and energy. I prefer to live everyday to it's fullest in it's ever changing way.
This year is especially a fresh start for me. My divorce was finalized on the 29th day of December, my wonderful job with Hear For You will be coming to an end soon as we close the Rochester offices and I continue to look for a new job in a career that involves customer service and business administration.
For those of you who do not know the wonderful guy in the picture with me, that is the love of my life, my son Brian Russell Horn. Brian has embarked on his own journey this year, as his studies have taken him to London, England for the semester. He is a Political Science and American Studies double major at Hobart William Smith College in Geneva, NY. He left on the 5th of Jan. to study for four months in England and he is loving exploring "Brit" style. We knew that we were a small part English and love all the pictures of the word Russell in England!
Brian and I are looking forward to beginning this new year with adventure, wonderment and whatever 2011 holds for us. I am sure it won't be filled with all goodness and light but we have learned how to weather the storms and keep on fighting through to find the positive and good in our lives. We are truly blessed to have each other, our family and our friends.
May you all look forward to 2011 and have a Healthy and Happy New Year.
My mother always used to tell me "What will be, will be". I always hated when she said that because I never could figure out what it meant. It's taken me 30 years, multiple heartaches, times of great joy and downright depression and grief, but I have finally figured it out. I'm sure my mom is sitting by the ocean in heaven (That's where I get my passion for water) and smiling, thinking, "She's finally got it, my Diane". She always called me "my Diane", words that I would give anything to hear just one more time. And my Dad is sitting next to her saying "Christ, it took her long enough!".
They say "Time heals all wounds". They say "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". They say "Give it time, things will turn around". And they are always right.Now if I can just figure out who "they" are....
My life hit a rough patch about 16 months ago, well let's be honest, it pretty much went spiraling out of control. Or at least, out of MY control. I lost my job on Feb 4, 2009 due to the economy. A few hours later I drove my Dad to Strong Hospital for what was to be an overnight stay for him to have a test run. We left 8 weeks later with a terminal diagnosis. I continued to take care of him, watch him suffer and slowly he lost strength and use of his limbs, and 8 weeks after coming back from Strong, he died a peaceful death at Hildebrandt, the Hospice center in Rochester with my brother Bobby and I watching over him throughout the long night, into his favorite tee time: 6;55am.
Then a few weeks after that, of mutual agreement, my husband left our home and marriage of 29 years.In a matter of months I had lost my Dad, my husband, my job, my happiness, my world. We put our house on the market and that was just one more loss. I had sunk pretty low and had a hard time pulling myself out of bed in the morning. The only thing that kept me going was my faith, my son, my family and my friends. Now as I face the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's death,I realize how right my Mom was,"What will be, will be".
I lost total control of my life last year and still haven't gotten it back. But I realize now that I never did or ever will have total control of my life. I didn't realize until today, that losing control was why I hated when my Mom used that saying. But she was wise beyond her years, something I wish that she would have shared with me before she died. But I know now that it is a lesson that we must all learn on our own. And it is a lesson that is frustrating, hurtful, sad, but one what we must all learn.
We do not control our destiny, We can do things to "steer the ship" called our life, through our actions, words, thoughts and the way we choose to live our lives. BUT total control is impossibleand now that I realize that, it's not such a bad thing. If I have a strong faith and trust that I am doing what I feel is right, then that is all I can ask for out of life. The higher powers that be, have a plan and I can only pray, meditate and trust. And that my friends, is EVERYTHING.